Teaching the Birds and the Bees without the Ews and the Ers

It is a topic that can bring dread when seen (usually on the Summer) Medium Term plan: Relationship and Sex Education. You might know it as RSE, SRE, Sex Ed or “The Talk”; whatever you call it, it is a unit of learning that can cause as many headaches as it can red faces.

But why? In science we cover many other body systems without as much fuss (although, all that talk of poo in the Digestion unit can be giggle inducing).

What am I doing?

RSE can be an emotive subject. The Department for Education received over 60,000 responses and contacts when the consultation on the new guidance was assembled in 2019. It can be confusing when starting at a new school as schools have far more autonomy over what is taught than in many other curriculum areas. Even schools in the same local authority may use the same scheme but not teach certain aspects from it.

So, the first job to do will be to find the member of staff that is responsible for the curriculum and check through your school’s documentation/curriculum in detail. Book in a meeting, this is not something that should be done in the middle of lunch. Some points to check:

• What is the prior learning? From where am I teaching from?

• Does this need to be taught in the Summer term and in isolation? Can it be folded into our PSHE and/or Science lessons in the Spring term?

• What MUST be taught?

• What could be covered if a question is asked?

• What most definitely cannot be taught? This is especially important with any content linked to human reproduction and contraception.   

• What vocabulary should and should not be covered?

Some schools will have very specific vocabulary that can and cannot be used. It is surprising to see curriculums pre-2019 that specifically did not want teachers to use the word clitoris nor make any reference to it when teaching female anatomy. In other schools, contraception may be on the County’s model curriculum but not taught by the school. It is helpful to make a table with the MUST, COULD and BANNED words or topics which can then be shared with the other adults in the room before teaching begins. This is especially important when covering LBGT+ content as terminology and best practice are evolving and this content needs thoughtful teaching.

And make sure staff are all using the correct terminology. A penis is a penis. The vulva is external, the vagina is internal. If we expect children to take a responsible approach to their RSE learning, it will be hobbled by staff talking about “boy bits” and “flowers”.

Relationships and me

Like many other parts of teaching, our own personal experiences can shape our planning and delivery of RSE lessons. Having been read-in to the curriculum, take time to reflect upon your own worldview and how this makes some content easier or more difficult to teach. From 2019, Relationships take centre stage in the Primary curriculum. What is your own experience of friendships and romantic relationships? Do you as an adult know what makes a “healthy relationship”?

In my previous career in the Royal Navy, discussions of sex, relationships and sexuality were part of everyday life. By comparison, I have found teaching to be comparatively strait laced and closeted, with schools concerned that parents may learn a member of staff is gay for fear of parental reaction. As a child, your own questions about sex, sexuality or relationships may have been met with red faces and vague descriptions. Historically, England has underperformed in the teaching of RSE compared to our European neighbours, with this often attributed to our seemingly Victorian views on the subject as a nation.

Just like you would with other subjects, take time to reflect on where you need to improve subject knowledge. Relate, BBC, Childline, NSPCC and thinkuknow (CEOP) all offer great guidance and definitions on what a healthy relationship is.

What is that for?

As a man who has spent the last 10 years in Years 5 and 6; I’ve taught a lot of children about periods. Once upon a time, we would have split children into groups according to their internal or external plumbing, with girls taught by a female teacher and boys by a male. It was quite improper for boys to know about “that time of the month”. Now staff teach what the curriculum asks of them, which can mean we meet content we only have an academic understanding of where practical experience could be of benefit.

How to overcome this? Ask your colleagues or friends. Whilst it is not appropriate to discuss any personal experiences with children in any aspect of RSE, you can refer to your “friends” and share what they have said. My class initially found it surprising I had asked my female friends what might be helpful to teach but then did appreciate hearing the views of real people alongside the content on the flipchart.

Putting Tab P into Slot V

Whilst it makes up a small part of the primary RSE curriculum (nor is compulsory to be taught until KS3), human reproduction is the most awkward topic to teach for many. Whilst it can leave us all a bit red faced, begin the learning as we would in any other areas.

Start by asking children to share what they already know. This prior knowledge can range from parents having already explained; garbled explanations from older siblings; playground gossip about “boys weeing inside girls” (this is suggested more often than you would think); or vague references about special cuddles and other euphemisms.

From this, explain how a man’s penis goes inside a woman’s vagina and this is the start of making a baby. And say it to your class, rather than leaving it to a video or a worksheet. If we as the adults in the room cannot bring ourselves to verbalise the content, how can we expect children to ask thoughtful questions or speak up about sexual content when in need of help?

Check that resources are of good quality. Is the video 20 years old? Are the anatomic diagrams far too cartoonish and missing vital details? I once was given a resource that the made a penis look like a spatchcocked chicken, where any real life male would have been in need of medical attention if his anatomy was arrange in such a way. The boys found it hysterically incorrect; the girls were very confused. 

Answering questions can be minefield with human reproduction. Before you begin, be honest with children that there is content you can discuss if asked and some you are not allowed to. There is also the backstop of “that is brilliant question, but I’m not allowed to answer it. Please go home and ask a trusted adult.” Some teachers use a question box and bits or paper, others prefer hands up. A mix of the two is helpful as some children will not want to put up their hands, but others will benefit from the ebb and flow of a hand’s up discussion.

RSE is a topic we can all find tricky to teach. It can bring up emotive content and make us question our own opinions on the relationships we have and our own attitudes to sex and sexuality. A final thought: do we still need to do “Sex after SATs” or is it time to give RSE a proper place in curriculum planning?

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A shorter version of this article was originally published in teachPrimary.